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Dealing with school stress - video

A new school year often triggers Publish Post

new worries for students, but for some children, the stress of going to school can spiral out of control.

Healthbeat reporter Sylvia Perez takes a look at the behavior that may signal a problem is this video on school refusal.

'I Hate School' Extreme Edition

Writing in the Wall Street Journal, Andrea Petersen sets out what she thinks school refusal means, and suggests how to fix it.


She writes:
What child hasn't dreaded September, the end of summer and the return to school. But for some kids, the prospect of school produces a level of fear so intense that it is immobilizing, resulting in what's known as school-refusal behavior.


These are the kids who may be absent for weeks or months. Some may cry or scream for hours every morning in an effort to resist leaving home. Others may hide out in the nurse's office. Some kids who miss school are simply truant—they'd just rather be doing something else. And sometimes there are genuine reasons to fear school, because of bullying, for example. But in about two-thirds of cases, a psychiatric problem, most commonly an anxiety disorder, is the cause, according to research led by Christopher A. Kearney, professor and director of clinical training at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas.


You can read the full article, which has audio links, here>>>

What do you think of her views?  Please let us have your comments.

I understand what you are going through

The following is taken from another forum - if you were the author, then please contact us.

I understand completely what you are going through. My son (who is now thankfully doing well in college) had an average school attendance of 35 days in high school.

It started around fifth grade and ended up getting really bad in junior high until he hardly attended school at all in high school.

He started to always complain that he didn't feel well. I don't know how much money and time we spent on doctor visits, visiting specialists, being worried sick when having him tested for diseases like MS to find out what was wrong with him.

Luckily nothing was wrong medically. While that was a blessing it was always very perplexing because we had no idea what was wrong. He didn't do drugs, he didn't leave the house, he slept most of the time and was up all night.

We ended up taking him to a psychiatrist and a psychologist. He was prescribed countless anti depressants but none of them helped.

My biggest suggestion is to find out exactly why she isn't attending school. And not just the reason she says initially, ie she's sick, or what not. Or even the secondary reason. You can't be sure what the reason it is because she's obviously trying to avoid it.

Is she extremely intelligent? I'd suggest having her intelligence tested if you haven't already. She may seem to score really high in reading or math which may make her seem quite intelligent but if one of those sections is a little bit below average. This may be a cause of anxiety because she's scared to go to a particular class where she doesn't exceed well. If this is the case you can try working with her on that subject each night or even hiring a tutor.

Was it very sudden? I don't want to make you paranoid but it could have been an extreme situation such as assault or rape that occurred in school or with some of her school mates. Or it could be something not as big but still very serious to her such as bullying. At the school where my son went when I brought this up with the principle they just immediately turned cold to me and denied that any bullying happened at the school to anyone.

Did your daughter ever really have any good friends? Like a *best* friend who she had sleep overs with and connected to the ankle with? This was the case with my son, he didn't really have any best friends. He had a few people he knew and went to the movies with a few times but he spent most of his time alone at lunch and such so he just stopped going.

He didn't have any connections to any other children as we later found out. What he did do a lot of was play on the computer. He played a game called "Counter Strike." And was apparently really good at it. The way we got him to come out of his shell was to take him to this computer cafe where they had tournaments. He connected with a lot of the kids there and came out of his shell and only missed 7 days of school of his last 2 marking periods in his senior year. He really started to get better.

Just remember that whenever she says mean words to be patient. She doesn't really mean it, she's just scared to talk about what's really bothering her. Trust is a big issue here. I would not suggest snooping as this could compromise any trust you may gain. You do however need to keep an eye out for signs of suicidal tendencies.

Look at what she's doing. She has to be doing something all day. If she's reading, buy her a book she wants. This may seem like rewarding bad behavior since she isn't going to school, but remember you want to gain her trust. This could even lead to other things like a book club or something at the local book store.

Does she write? There are tons of great writing classes out there.

What does she do? I think the biggest thing is to find what she does and connect her with people like her doing those things. Get her excited about something.

I hope this helps you. I'm not a professional but I've been in your situation. This may not sound like what you've gone through but I hope it gives you some encouragement. Hang in there and be patient.

And to you children suggesting she should spank her child... until you've been in her shoes you really do not understand. This is not something that can be solved by a mere spanking.

There is a clear reason why she isn't attending school. She doesn't want to be there for whatever reason. If you make her feel unwelcome at home, where will she feel welcome? Basically what you're suggesting is make it so uncomfortable at home that she goes to school. But in all likelihood that's not where she'll go. You shouldn't suggest such things lightly. Actually think. She'd be more likely to run away from home or even worse, commit suicide.

Red Balloon Learner Centres

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about Red Balloon Learner Centres. Red Balloon Learner Centres are set up specifically to help children who cannot go to school because they have been badly bullied. There are currently six centres – in Cambridge, Liverpool, Norwich, Preston, Harrow and Warwick.

I recently had a conversation with their Chief Executive, Carrie Herbert, from whom I learnt more about the charity, and the service they provide. I have to say I was impressed.

Red Balloon will consider applications from anyone who is having difficulty attending mainstream education; those who are fortunate to live within the catchment area of one of their centres could do worse that taking a look.

For those living outside these areas, Red Balloon are seeking more centres, and would be pleased to discuss the possibility of working with others to achieve that.

Further details can be found in their website: http://www.redballoonlearner.co.uk/

When does school refusal start?

One of the points put to me concerns early recognition of school refusal, and the need to respond appropriately and as early as possible.

Procedures must be put in place for SR to be picked up at an early stage as possible and acted upon quickly, there has to be immediate access to 'professionals' instead of months waiting for referrals, as we know that the quicker this is dealt with the better.

But when does school refusal start?

Almost every child will have a day, or a few, where they attempt to refuse to attend school. This may just be a 'Do I have to go?' or a 'I've got a sore tummy, must I go?', or it could be a refusal to get dressed, or get in the school transport.

Any one of these could be the first sign of a serious case of school refusal, or it might be a one off attempt at exerting a little bit of control on their life. How can we tell? And when do we start to consult the school, or the doctor?

It was also a question put to me by a deputy head teacher, with responsibility for school refusers. Of course, I had no real answer!

One of our Forum topics is on 'Early signs', but so far there is nothing to help us know when to call in the professionals.

Perhaps there needs to be set number of days of absence? Perhaps there already is?

An alternative to school

I have some interesting meetings in the last couple of days when I was able to explore more about school refusal issues. I will write about more of these later, but wanted to pick up on one this time.

I was at a ChildLine event on Monday, celebrating 20 years of ChildLine in Scotland, and recognising that 422,000 children and young people have been helped during that period. We also took the opportunity to congratulate Esther Rantzen, who founded the charity, and who celebrated her 70th birthday yesterday!

This was a chance not to be missed, and I took the opportunity of mentioning the problems faced by children who are unable to face school, and the stress that their parents experience as a result.

I was aware that Esther was involved in a number of charities besides ChildLine, now part of the NSPCC. it turns out that she is Patron of Red Balloon.

Red Balloon Learner Centres are set up specifically to help children who cannot go to school because they have been badly bullied. There are currently six centres – in Cambridge, Liverpool, Norwich, Preston, Harrow and Warwick.

Esther gave me an introduction to the Chief Executive, and I have written to her to see if there is a way that their bullying remit can be widened.

I note the following guidance that Red Balloon gives:

Usually in order to get local authority funding for a place at Red Balloon, you need to follow certain procedures. You must have made a complaint to your state school about the bullying your child received, and follow the guidelines in the school's complaints procedure (ask them for it). Once you have done this and yet your child still won't go to school and is not getting an adequate education, you could ask for a referral to your local Red Balloon.

Getting support from your GP about the connection between the bullying and the mental/physical health of your child will help you make a case. At any time, contact your local councillors or your MP about the fact that your child is unable to access a full-time education in mainstream school for fear of bullying.

Red Balloon has only limited resources, so for those of us living out-with their catchments areas, we still face difficulties accessing an alternative education for our children. However, Red Balloon Learner centres do seem to be an additional option for those lucky enough to be near one.

You can help them by making a donation; please do so here: www.justgiving.com/RiseAboveBullying

You can read more about the charity here>>>>