ITV screen school phobia item

Amanda Egan revealed how sitting in her car outside her son Ben's school all day, every day, for three years, ensured he stayed in school.

Like many parents, Amanda was no stranger to the stresses of the morning school run.

However when her son Ben, now 17, began his first day in a new secondary school her world was turned upside down when he became terrified at the thought of going. Ben had developed crippling school refusal, an irrational fear of school or school situations.

To help her son beat his condition, Amanda sat outside the school grounds for three years. She joins us on the sofa with Ben and psychologist Laverne Antrobus to discuss school phobia.

The recording can be seen here: http://www.itv.com/thismorning/life/school-phobia/  - possibly UK only

New laws on attendance in Victoria, Australia

Linda has published news of new laws in her neck of the woods in an article in the Forum.

If a child is absent for more than 5 days per year without a reasonable excuse, then the school will be able to fine the parents $70. Reasons for absence that can be accepted include illness, disability and School Refusal. This acceptance of School Refusal is, I think a breakthrough. However, as Linda points out, it is the difficulty we have in explaining School Refusal to the school, especially in the early days, that could easily leave parents open to that fine.

Linda highlights other concerns that we should all consider.

http://www.schoolrefuser.org.uk/forum.html#bn-forum-1-1-1014515854/6140/907995/show   for more.

Why force teenagers to get out of bed early?

On Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays 14- to 18-year-old pupils in a Tonbridge, Kent college start lessons at 11.30am – because research suggests that that teenagers' brains work better if they get up later.

There are few more powerful urges than the teenager's need to stay under the duvet when the morning school bell goes. Jon Barker, headteacher of Hugh Christie Technology College in Tonbridge, Kent accepts this and goes with the flow.

"Their punctuality and attendance has improved, their questioning and answering is better because they are more alert and the pace of lessons is often much quicker," Barker says.

Would this help a school refuser?  Read more in this 2009 article: http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/mortarboard/2009/mar/20/lie-in-pupils

Home education Journal - free!

The Home education Journal Issues 1, 2, 3, & 4 that are contained in Volume 1 are free to Amazon Prime Kindle users.

I suspect that this is a limited time offer, so move fast and save!

Remember, you don't need a Kindle to read Kindle books, you can access them using a wide range of devices.

More publications can be found in our Book Shop.

Surrey School Refusal Support Group Being set up

A new support group is being set up in Surrey for families who have a child who refuses to attend school.

The school refusal is nearly always anxiety based but the triggers vary from child to child. Many but not all of those affected have SEN and disabilities. The group is based in the Reigate/Redhill area but is open to anyone in Surrey or surrounding areas.

The group's main focus will be to offer peer support in what is often an isolating experience but we will also provide information on the help that should be available and on interventions which may be effective.

They will have regular monthly meetings and occasional guest speakers.

The first meeting is planned to take place on Wednesday 12 December 2012 at 7.30pm. The venue is Reigate Baptist Church Hall, Sycamore Drive, Reigate. Click here to download a pdf of the flyer

An enmeshed family

The term 'Enmeshed family' has been used in our Forum.  Not understanding this, I turned to Josephine Ferraro for an explanation.

What is an "Enmeshed" Family?
Salvador Minuchen introduced the concept of "enmeshed" families in his family systems theory in the mid-1970s. An enmeshed family allows individual members little to no autonomy or personal boundaries. The roles among family members can be very rigid. One person might be "the scapegoat," another person might be "the hero" and so on. These roles are not explicitly assigned. It's usually an unconscious process and much more subtle than that. The point is that individuals in this type of family often grow up not knowing how they really feel or what they want to do in their lives because they are encouraged to feel whatever the rest of the family feels (usually initiated by one or both of the parents) and strongly discouraged from developing their own feelings and preferences.

What are the Consequences of Growing Up in an Enmeshed Family?
There is often a strong sense of shame in enmeshed families. The family might designate a particular family member to contain these feelings of shame by making that member "the scapegoat" of the family. When families scapegoat a particular family member, rather than looking at the dysfunctional family dynamic, they point to this family member and say that he or she is the cause of the family's problems. Often, the scapegoated person is the one who strives to be an individual, which is threatening to the rest of the family. He or she is often the healthiest one in the family, but other family members don't see it this way. In their eyes, if only this family member would shape up and think and behave the way that the rest of the family does, everything would be all right. Needless to say, this person carries the family shame and often grows up to feel ashamed of him or herself and defective in some way. The other rigid roles that are assigned in this type of family also cause the individual members to feel ashamed as well.

Enmeshment leads to shame and shame often leads to depression, anxiety, alcoholism, drug abuse, eating disorders, compulsive gambling, sexual addiction, and other addictive behaviors as well as family violence.

How to Overcome the Effects of Enmeshment as an Adult
Often, enmeshed families do not seek mental health treatment unless they're forced to do it after serious problems have developed. So, for instance, if one of the children begins to have problems in school and the local Bureau of Child Welfare investigates and finds abuse or neglect, the family is often encouraged (and sometimes mandated) to attend family therapy. However, many times the family problems are overlooked because no one outside the family knows what's going on. So, the individual children grow up with a strong sense of shame and problems in their own intimate relationships, assuming that they are able to have intimate relationships.

For adults who grew up in enmeshed families, the idea of getting help for themselves might feel like they're being "disloyal to the family." They've grown up with such a strong sense that they must go along with the family dynamic that it's hard for them to think for themselves--let alone think or do something different from the rest of the family. If they are able to begin individual psychotherapy, they often feel highly ambivalent about the treatment and often drop out before completing the work.

Here are some Books about enmeshed families if you wish to gain further insight.

The Swedish Model

Writing in the Forum, Jorgen tells of his work with School Refusers in Sweden. He is the manager of a small operation specialized in getting students back to school, and has been running this small municipal group in a county just outside Stockholm since 2009.

He has managed to work out a model that works and brings this group of kids back to a life with education and a much more brighter future than they had before they joined the group. 

Jorgen writes: 'We are mainly working with kids in the age 13-15 which have been away from school for 1-6 years. When the home school feels that they have done everything in their power and when there is nothing more to try we are contacted by the principal and starts to work together. 

'We have a small group for education where we work with at the most eight students at the same time and where our plan is that the student shall go back to their home school as soon as possible. It usually takes ½-1 year before they have an opportunity to go back and meanwhile we work with both the standard subjects as in regular school but a big part lies in working with self confidence, well being and self awarness.'

Jorgen is now looking for similar similar groups outside Sweden for exchange of knowlege regarding school refusers.

You can contact him through the Forum.